The Value of Rituals?

Rituals help us to restore the sense of balance in our lives.
-Alice Parsons Zulli

In our life we perform many rituals. We celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, graduations and holidays. We may attend church or the temple or share a family dinner on Sundays. A ritual is, in reality, a ceremony with a special meaning. They may be religious or secular but generally they possess a meaning and purpose.

We carry on rituals to feel good, and in some cases, to keep family traditions. Rituals play a special role in the case of losses and grief as they help us in those difficult moments and therefore help us in the grieving process. The purpose of performing rituals, among other things, is to help people with unresolved feelings, allowing them to find meaning in their lives. There are many kinds of losses, which make us experience grief and for each of them we can elaborate specific rituals, as we can see in the following examples:

Loss of a Loved One
Take the picture of your loved one and place it on top of a table next to a white candle. As you light the candle, say a prayer on behalf of your loved one, giving thanks for the love he or she expressed to you and the eternal love you will always feel for this person. Remember that although you experience grief, the love you feel for your loved one will always stay in your heart.

Another ritual that could help you express your grief is to write a letter. You could write a farewell letter, if you didn’t have the opportunity to say good-bye to your loved one. You could also write a forgiveness letter, in case there was something unsaid for which you want to ask forgiveness….or give forgiveness. You could also write a letter of gratitude, giving thanks for all the moments you had with this person.

Loss due to Divorce
When we go through a painful divorce we may have mixed emotions, among them, we may also experience grief. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write a letter to your ex-husband or ex-wife. In this letter, let go of any feelings you may still keep in your heart, including anger or bitterness. If you need to forgive or ask for forgiveness for any action of the past you may do it as well. The feelings we don’t express may stay in our hearts and could make us feel angry, resentful, or even guilty. Learn to express them in writing, it helps a lot. You could also engage in writing in a journal. This could be your daily ritual. Write how you feel everyday and the thoughts you have when you experience these emotions.

The more in touch you are with your feelings the easier it will be to express them. Remember that you experience pain because of your great capacity to love.

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